I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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