Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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