***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
