Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
two words...techno handjob
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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