Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
