Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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