I feel great
I just peed on a car
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
