did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
