Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
