If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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