dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
