of course. lets lasso hookers.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
