dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I want a musical about memes.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
