goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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