your room smells of hookers.
And success
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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