when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
