Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
