I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I cut my penus on the lid.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
