I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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