They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
