What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
