im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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