Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
