Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
