I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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