Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
