Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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