I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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