8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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