This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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