Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
