Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Alive.
So much puke
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
