Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
