And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
