Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
