dude i'm inner monologue high
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
