Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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