So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
