I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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