So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
