i think i have two assholes
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
