I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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