We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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