That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
