Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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