I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
