i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
