dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
