We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
