The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
