Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
